“(Love) doesn’t fly off the handle.” 1 Corinthians 13:5 MSG
Patience, peace, calm… It’s something I work hard at. Because I have to. It doesn’t come naturally to me. Anxiety does. Panic does. Let’s create the worst case scenario and amplify it times 1,273 does. But peace, calm, patience? That’s work. But it’s something I HAVE to have in my home — like healthy food, essential oils, and comfy blankets and pillows. It’s a necessity. I want our home to be a safe haven, an easy place to breathe, a refuge in this crazy, chaos of a world. No matter what storms rage around us, we have each other, we have a bigger God, and we can always have peace. No.matter.what. I want may kids to KNOW and FEEL this when they walk through our door. And I want them to carry it with them when they leave — as an extension of the love and all the things they are taught in these walls. And this peace, often, begins with me. I mean, it starts with the Spirit ever moving in my heart — but it begins with me — in a house full of emotional, fly off the handle, often high energy and intense characters — it’s momma who brings the calm. And some days, it’s a tough row to hoe, friends. Just saying. It’s heavy.
But I’m pretty good at carrying heavy things. God made this girl scrappy like that. I didn’t used to be. I used to be the President of the ‘freak out, run around in circles, hyperventilate and throw your hands in the air’ club (which I still do occasionally) — but oddly, that never got me anywhere. Except unhealthy, depressed, and wore unnecessary grooves in our flooring and in my heart. So I breathe in and out — really big. And I have mantras. Turns out I need them. And I just drop everything and talk to God. Turns out he’s always listening. And then I breathe some more. And I know, that even if it’s not — it’s going to be okay. And God is here, there, and already in tomorrow. And we’ll do this together. ALL of it. Even the really crappy stuff. Cause we’ve been there. We’ve done that. And it’s all good. Even when it’s not. And I say this to my house full of boys. All.the.time. Disaster isn’t disaster. It’s doesn’t have to be our state of being. It’s not who we are. It doesn’t define us. It’s a moment. However freaking long it is, it’s a moment in time. And it’s always, forever and always, how we deal with it — how we treat each other in those moments — that defines who we are, who we believe the other person to be, and what we believe this big ole world and our purpose in it is. Big moments, little moments and all the ones in-between. It’s how we react to all of those…
And when it rains, it often pours. Like things kind of always seem to happen all at once, right? My incredible husband has been laying in the way awesome flooring in our basement (or what ever the correct terminology is for that–it looks freaking fantastic). Waterproof vinyl that looks like hardwood. I love it. It’s been lots of sweat and a back breaking process as he’s done it all by himself. Absolutely amazing. I can stand the bright gold and black of the Hawkeye man cave a bit more now. Seriously. Incredible. And no monsoon was taking that away. Nope. We had another sump pump installed a couple weeks ago for this purpose (we have improper grading in the new houses behind us and get the brunt of that “it’s not my problem” from the city and builders and anyone else we’ve approached). With the help of our awesome bucket carrying neighbors, my almost 13 year old who held a hose and hand held sump pump from the well to our bathtub in the basement, and lots of flipping muscle for hours — we made it. Hallelujah! You feel that one the next morning. We’re thinking of capitalizing on this as a workout routine of some sort. Serious abs are worked. Water.is.so.heavy. Staying calm in this chaos again. Not easy. What IS easy is lashing out on each other — because you are so angry, freaked out, scared, just plain pissed the hell off, and that has to go somewhere, right??? Like, why couldn’t we have had a garage sale and gotten rid of half the crap down here so we wouldn’t have to be dumping totes of this junk to FILL with water and running crap upstairs? That suddenly becomes someone’s fault. Because for a second it might feel better to lash out and place some blame somewhere, anywhere — because no one else seems to have to take responsibility for the shit that happens every flipping time it rains a little harder than normal, right? I mean, some people just sit and eat popcorn and watch TV and ENJOY these blessed storms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Until you realize that being angry solves nothing. Pointing fingers and laying blame and getting all pissed off does zero in the realm of helping or solving any kind of problem. In fact, in only dissolves and wastes precious energy that could be spent doing something productive or scrambling up positive energy and sending that out — mustering up a little peace.
I can absorb it. The tirade — because I so get it. I empathize with where it comes from. I see me all over it. And I understand that the words coming at me have absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with the really jacked up situation. And, in my mind, there’s just no reason to jack it up anymore. It is what it is. It will be what it will be no matter what we say or what we do. So why not do what ever we can to make it better? Breathe deep, speak peace, and do everything we can to solve the problem. It’s not being passive, by any means. I think sometimes it takes way more energy and focus to be calm when everyone else is bouncing red, but once you start making it part of your normal — it just comes. It truly does. And people mistake it for giving up — when you don’t freak out and scream and yell and get all crazy. I’m still moving, I’m still doing — I just refuse to take part in expending my energy in the futile zone of chaos. Take deep breaths, and amazingly, thoughts become clearer — even above the loud. It takes practice. Lots of practice. And you have to hold on to your space in this. But then it just becomes part of you — and if I can teach my boys that — I’ll be one happy momma. You have to deal with life’s storms, but you always have a choice in how you deal with them.
And bless little G’s heart — my little guy who finds the positive in everything — he thought we were having a party. He was just so excited to see everyone who showed up to help and so happy to have people over. His job was to hold the door open and then close it again as people came up and down the stairs with buckets to dump outside. He was elated. He can’t wait to have another “water party”. He also got to stay up really late. It was just awesome. All.of.it. He’s always my little ray of sunshine. Couldn’t love that kid more. And Max. He worked so hard. He kept reminding us that we were all okay. And that was the important thing. Because it was people who were important, not things. He said this at least a million times. And then he kept thanking us for all of our hard work. Couldn’t love that kid anymore either. But somehow, every day, I do…
The next day, Marty was off to work — not sure how he did that — I’m sure he was more than tired and very sore. He proctors the bar exam for a week every summer. And that morning, our toilet decided to go completely nuts on us. I walked into water, literally, spraying from the lid of the toilet — and little G frantically yanking on my arm “I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it!!!!!” as I walked into water all over the bathroom floor. At this point, I was really effing tired of water. Seriously. I threw towels all over the floor and lifted the back compartment lid off the toilet — which was really genius on my part — as water proceeded to shoot strait into my face. So many kinds of awesome. What.the.hell. So water is spraying, I’m using my finger to cover the little hole it’s coming from, fishing around the bottom of the tank as it’s filling to find something that may have fallen, and it won’t flush. Sweet. Connecting pieces here and there — just to make it stop spraying — and then just decided to shut the water off. That’s the take away here. The water can always be shut off. I have no idea what happened. All I know is that G didn’t do it. I was breathing, didn’t want my husband to have to deal with this crap when he got home, and the problem solver in me decided to Google this and fix it so he wouldn’t have to. I mean, how hard can it be? None of the inner workings of anyone else’s toilet looked quite like ours on any of the Google videos, so I improvised and got a little creative. Turns out those aren’t the most coveted qualities when it comes to plumbing. The hubs had to purchase an entire new system for the inside of our commode. I may have innovatively challenged something. Just turn the water off if you don’t know what you’re doing. Lesson learned, all in Zen. Sometimes I can try too hard to be a little too helpful. I see y’all nodding your heads… (smile) Not.my.best.trait.
That night proved to hold one more little surprise for us. G wanted some help brushing his teeth. He had a big kancer sore on the gum line of the inside of his lip and he didn’t want to hurt it. Just for back story purposes, this little guy has never lost a tooth — at all of seven and going into second grade — he feels like he is the ONLY boy his age on earth who has never lost a tooth. While brushing, I noticed that he had a tooth shooting up behind — like FAR behind — another baby tooth. Ug! It looked so odd and awful, but I didn’t want to scare him — so I just said — “Hmmmmmmmmmmm, you have a dentist appointment to get your teeth cleaned next week, but Mommy might make a call to Dr. Jenny in the morning so we can check on this tooth here.” Unfortunately, he knew ALL about tooth pulling from his good friend, Connor, who had to get lots of teeth pulled and had told G every bloody detail — so tears instantly flowed and it was a long night of calming anxiety. Neither one of us slept — again. Dental Professionals got us in at 8 a.m. the next day and Griff was such a brave and courageous boy. Big needles, two long sticks with said needles, and the root on that thing was HUGE! He didn’t cry and was the best and most calm patient. I couldn’t believe how amazing he did! He took deep breaths and wiggled his toes. Dr. Jenny, as always, was fantastic, and let him pick out two prizes for being so incredible. This momma took G to Target for a few extra prizes as well. He picked a puzzle, a craft, and a science toy. My G (smile). That’s what brave looks like! Noodles, his lovey Husky, came with us too for extra comfort. My boys amaze me every.single.day. On top of all of this, Griffyn was SO excited he had finally “lost” a tooth!!!!!!!!!!! One heck of a first loss! Dr. Jenny assured him that the ones he lost after this would be ever so much easier… Love her. And she’s a dentist (smile).
And we needed a stress break from all of this water and tooth fun. Summer is just speeding on by. So we took the boys to see the Minions movie. I love those little guys! They are just authentic little Twinkies of odd quirky fun. They simply want to please and love their little guts out. We even ate junk food — egads! We stopped at A&W first in Indianola — a must — the BEST chicken fingers and fries — according to my kids — and of course, root beer floats. It was popcorn, Mike and Ike’s, and I even got to partake in some gluten free Milk Duds. Good times. I could not think of the last time I had been to a movie. I guarantee it was Disney or Pixar, but it’s always a good time with the boys. Minions did not disappoint. Loved the Beetles and Monkees references!
And somehow, all of these week’s events seemed to roll together for me into one big “lesson” of sorts — the little yellow guys, toilets, basement, and tooth shenanigans. Life is a big ball of chaos and crap sometimes — often times all at once — but it’s how we handle it — it’s the faith we act on (not just profess to have) — it’s how we are there for each other — that makes it what it is. Rain, storms, sun, floods (toilette water in your face), things not happening in the succession that they are supposed to (darn shark teeth) — it’s going to happen. And it’s all beautiful if we let.it.be. And if it’s not particularly beautiful — we can at least find some kind or type of beauty in it. We can find something redeemable, gem worthy, sustainable, of value — in everything. A lesson (most often taught to me by my children), something to be thankful for, reminders of blessings, or something within yourself you forgot about — God reminding you who he created you to be (G found his braveness! Max found his strength!). There is value in absolutely everything. Every.little.thing. And maybe that’s why I like those little minions so much. They see life through eyes (or eye) of wonder. Everyone is a buddy. And so I may or may not have gotten a little teary in that movie — I so did not cry. G kept watching, however (smile)– said in whisper “Momma, are you crying?”.
The miracle of life lies in our perception of it. We’re all given situations, things, people — it’s how we choose to see them — react, expend our energy — learn our lessons — or see that there is anything to be learned or gifts to be given to us in the first place. There is wonder everywhere. Even in the muck and mire. Sometimes you just have to settle the rage, the storm in yourself still enough to see it, hear it, feel it and let it change you and grow you. We all have such potential and capability to be such amazing vessels of light. Sometimes we get a little scared of all that shiny. Don’t be afraid of it. Embrace that. It’s all good and it’s all you. You can. You.can.do.and.be.so.much!
It is utterly amazing to me what simply taking a split second to take one deep, calm breath can do in a situation that seems utterly lost and helpless — when anxiety seems to be spiraling me out of control. Then I stop — take another, and another — understanding the one that is in me is greater than this world — and the ultimate battle has already been won, dear God, it’s really over. God’s got ALL of this. My job, my mission — if I choose this day to except it — it to be my best me. The most incredibly, fearfully and wonderfully made me he created me to be. And to take that on with authenticity and an open heart and mind and spirit each and every single day? Well that, that is one miraculous adventure and one hell of a ride —
that just might involve buckets, basements, toilets, unforeseen trips to the dentist, and Minions (smile).
Love your guts… (remember to stop every now and then and take a listen to yours) ❤
Namaste and so much peace…