courage is

Head space.  Sometimes I just need to clear it out.  Organize it.  Wade through the crazy, the bullshit, the noise.  It gets so full of noise.  Because I don’t have time to deal with things as they come.  So it all just gets crammed in there.  And it gets so full.  And so messy.  And so loud.  And here I am.  With all this stuff.

And it often leaks out of my eyes.  Or comes out in meditation.  And no matter what the stress is — happy or sad, frustration or anger — it all comes out as tears.  And that’s when I know I HAVE to deal.  It’s not a choice.  When I don’t even know what I’m feeling.  It’s all just there.  Like the most solid of rocks.  Sitting there.  Not moving.  Just weighing a billion pounds of holy hell.  And it is holy.  Because it’s me.  And there’s something to that.

And I think that it’s sad that we live in a world where we don’t have the time — let me rephrase that — where TAKING the time — to deal with, to connect with, to reason with each other — and all of our things — isn’t a priority.  Because we always have to rush places.  And do things.  Lots and lots of things.  And we forget about each other.  The real each other.  And we lose the important things.  And we become impatient.  And we become rude.  And we become beings that are just busy doing things.  Because being busy is what people do.  That’s life.  And we push through.  And we don’t stop.  And we don’t listen.  Because we have to get to here, and we have to get to there — so you’ll have to tell me that later.  But later, there’s never any time.

I’m not any good with this busy game.  I suck at this pattern.  I shut down.  I want to know my children.  I want to HEAR and FEEL their everything.  I want them to be able to take the time they need to be who they need to be, to feel what they need to feel — and to inherit the explanations they should be able to grasp and claim as human beings — growing, learning, viable people exploring the world around them.  Who has time for ANY of that?  We don’t have time for questions.  We don’t have time for feelings.  We don’t have time for growing (outside the box and bubble growing).  And in the midst of all of this, we sure as hell don’t have time for different.

Different takes time.

Validating each other’s differences takes time.

Acknowledging we are different takes time.

Reinforcing that these differences make us incredible, powerful, resourceful, people and creating an environment in which eyes can see that there are a million different ways to absorb a sunset — well, that takes time.  I love that my children pull me outside to gaze at sunsets.  They see so much more than colors.  Miracle eyes.

Vision takes time.

Effort takes time.

It’s so much easier and faster to push on through.

In marriage, in parenting, in education, in friendship, in all of our relationships and areas of life.  There is NO grey area in this.

It can be overwhelming…

But here’s the biggest lie.  That you have no power.  Because here’s where it is SO exciting and amazing to this girl.  WE ARE SO POWERFUL.  You may not be able to change the ENTIRE world — friend, who asked you to? — but, you CAN change YOUR world.  It ALWAYS starts with you.  Any change begins with you.  To any problem I face, it begins with me.

And here’s the second part of that biggest lie.  That this power is somehow dependent upon your relative worldly worth.  And that merit is dictated by a jury of your peers, by the world, by your career, your monetary net worth, your status, what society deems as beautiful, and so on and so forth.  It just isn’t’ so.  No one can give it to you, and no one can ever take it away.  No matter how hard they may try.  It’s deep inside your beating heart.  It is your very soul.  You have everything you need.  That you are living and breathing and HERE on this earth, that is enough.  YOU are enough.  THAT, my friend, is PURPOSE enough.  You are here.  That is REASON enough — and in all of that purpose and reason that no one can give or take from you – that is all yours solely because you are you — there is power.  The power to make tremendous change.

All of our actions, our thoughts, our words, our deeds — they matter.  Immensely.  Hugely.  Think of those people who have made such an incredible impact on your life — that one voice — that one touch — that one smile — that one encouraging word — that ONE thing.  Every day.  We can choose to be the good.  We can choose to shine a light.  We can choose to be the encouraging voice, the person that notices the weary, the down trodden, the miserable.  In every single thing we do we are showing up and showing who we are.  You won’t always hear thank you.  I promise.  It often times doesn’t come.  You do it because it’s the best and right thing to do.  You do it because this is the energy that makes the world a better place.  You do it because you are you and it starts here.  You do it because it has to start somewhere.  You do it because you know better so you do better.  You do it because this is why we are here.  Not for the busy.  Not for the rushing.  Not for all the errands, practices, and meetings in the world.  We are here for humanity.  We are here to serve each other.

I see you.  I acknowledge you.  I understand you.  How many times is that lacking, is that so deeply missing from people’s lives — even from the lives of our little ones?  We’re often too busy to even smile at one another anymore.  It’s not a personality thing, it’s a respect thing.  Take a second and honor someone else’s presence, someone else’s gift of life and breath and place in this world.  Acknowledge that.  Own that.  Understand that.  I firmly believe peace begins with a smile.  It’s respectfully acknowledging the light in someone else.  You don’t walk by and just ignore that.  That’s a living and breathing miracle that just walked past you.  Light up your face, sister.

We all have bad days.  We all get grumpy.  No one is perfect.  This isn’t a call for perfection or butterflies and rainbows and glittery serenades.  It’s a call to courage.  Because kindness and love take all kinds of freaking courage.  It’s so stinking lazy and easy to be grumpy and callous to one another.  To be dismissive and rude and to come up with every excuse in the book to be so.  Kind takes brave.  It takes the bravest of brave.  To put yourself out there, smile and say — I care about you.  You are an incredible person.  I see you.  You are enough.  You mean something.  Because in all of that kindness and love is a vulnerability, a humility that says — I’m with you.  I’m not better than, I’m not less than — I’m with you.  And sometimes — sometimes, that’s really freaking terrifying…

But these aren’t all feeling things.  Thank God.  They are doing things.  And us warrior girls know this.  Brave, love, kind — we do them.  Whether we wake up feeling them or not, we DO them.  Some days better than others.  But we try anyway.  And you don’t have to be loud.  Nope.  Just you.  And you don’t have to be perfect.  Nope.  Just you.  And I fall.  All the time.  And I know I will.  And that doesn’t scare me one bit.  I know it’s going to happen.  Today, tomorrow, ten seconds from now.  It will.  And guess what?  I’ll be fine.  Even when I’m not.  I’ll survive.  And that’s the beauty and miracle of all of it.  You march on.  Being kind, being brave, and loving.  Because you are powerful.  And you can.  You can be a light in darkness.  You can be change.  Every damn day of your life.  And that is truly something to pause the busy for.

Because, in case you haven’t noticed, busy goes on.  All by itself it’ll go on.  But you can make a choice to stop.  You can make a choice to pause.  And you can let someone know they matter.  You can tell someone you love them so much it makes you cry happy tears just thinking of them.  You can take twenty minutes to have tea with your kid and catch up on their life and find out that he doesn’t ever really want to go to prom when he grows up, but if he HAS to, he will ask a girl named Mallie because she will play tag with him and won’t make him dance.  That just happened.  We are all such treasures.  We just don’t often get the time to remind each other of that.  Really.  Our hearts, our souls, our minds and our thoughts and our capacity to give and love and just be.  We don’t have time.  Take a little.  It makes the biggest difference.  Tell a kid you love them.  Not because of what they do or say, but just because they are WHO they are.  And feel free to expound upon who that who is.  Kids don’t get to hear this enough.  Really. Every day — we get little chances to be lights.  We get these encounters with people — these precious blessings of time.  In the midst of all the rushing, we really can make a difference.  That, loves, is powerful.

And, as my G say, “We will get up, and do our best, and try again tomorrow.”  My six year old is my Dalai Lama.

Goodnight, loves.  You are SO very powerful!  You can and you DO make a difference.  You are so incredibly AMAZING.  Know this and

keep shining. ❤

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”

~Anne Frank

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