“I can not do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do.”

Jana Stanfield

 hugs and baseball two

So glad to be back at work today!  And that blessing is NOT lost on this momma!  That I love my job.  That I MISS it when I’m sick.  That I don’t like to be away from it!  I missed my girls!  A nice transition back with no kids today.  Missed them a bunch too.  Can’t wait to see them all tomorrow.  It was difficult to follow doctor’s orders–although my body was not compliant with movement.  That part made it a little easier–smile.  Andrea likes to pull out the hospitalization threat too — she knows that gets me.  Love her to pieces, my awesome doc.  Another big blessing.

Still slow moving, but moving and so happy to be moving!  Had grand plans of getting some errands run after work tonight, but they were derailed by the reality of making it through the day.  Darn reality.  It just gets in the way of things sometimes.  Playing with the boys, doing some laundry (the ever present constant–gotta love that about laundry–it’s just so always there for you, isn’t it?), tidying up here and there, getting homework started–all these things I’ve missed out on the past few days.  Okay, so I haven’t really MISSED laundry…

And I just had been missing my kids.  Just love them.  Wow, these high doses of prednisone usually make me super crabby as all get out–but here I am, thanking God for everything and just so happy, thankful and feeling so blessed.  Pretty amazing.  Our kids, this life thing, even when we’re feeling crummy and crappy–there’s always some good, there’s always some thankful.  Really.  There always is…

And the jars of gnats we have all around the house.  You know, they really are — by far — the most disgusting yet exquisite Halloween decorations I have ever — like ever — had up in all the years I’ve been putting up these blessed things for the boys.  And the honey mixed with the apple cider vinegar gives off such a warm amber glow — convalesced with the black of the dead gnats collecting each day — lovely.  Too much?  Yes, can’t wait to throw all those heinous jars out.  Marty says I’m just too nice to them–the gnats, that is.  I should stop telling them good morning and good night and stop asking them about their day — then maybe they’ll leave.  Maybe he’s right.  I shouldn’t be so inclusive with them in our family.  Just a few left hanging around.  There’s a lesson in here somewhere.  Gnats and Zen.  I feel it.  I’m learning something.  Yet, I pray that God will get rid of them every night.  It’s at the end of my prayer list — you know, not the MOST important thing I pray for — definitely not a priority — one of those, ‘if He has time things’…

And kids.  Kids–aren’t they just awesome?  Reading on Glennon’s page about this kid named Tate.  Got tears, as I do often when I read something she’s written.  Go to Momastery.  Read it (wow, that sounded so first born bossy — but, I promise, it’ll make your heart grow!).  What a champion, what a hero, what an amazing, incredible kid!  Our kids.  They are super heros.  What they face every day.  How they shine every day!  Continuing to do the right thing, even when it isn’t cool — because there are ever so many things (like manners, respect, decency, loyalty, thoughtfulness, and consideration) that just aren’t “cool” anymore — or even common place.  Love them so much.  And yes, life — even in ALL the good stuff (because there is SO much of that too) is STILL a battle — a very real one — and we can’t take that reality away from them — or diminish that fight or minimalize that for them — but rather, let’s call attention (just like G has) to their bravery, to their honor, to their majestic souls — let’s call attention to that light and shine it wide and shine it far — for all the world to see — so that other kids (even us big ones) have the courage to be brave too.  Way to go, Tate!  The boys and I read your actions, because that kindness thing, that thoughtfulness thing, that love thing, that brave thing — those are all doing things — and it made us want to be better and do better too.  Thanks for inspiring us to be what we were put on this earth to be — lights of love despite the darkness that can be so very scary.  Thank you, brave boy.  Thank you. ❤

And I don’t know if you’ve heard about this MAJOR news yet, but it is ALL my little G has talked about since a centimeter of ground was dug.   Carlisle Elementary now has a Buddy Bench on it’s playground.  Yup.  A Buddy Bench — because, in the words of Griffyn, “Evvy buddy needs a buddy, Mom.”  And he is SUPER stoked about this bench.  Because no one should have to play alone if they don’t want to.  “Not evvah.”  So, if you need a friend to play with, you just go ahead, you sit on that bench, and buddies will come ask you to play.  “It’s yike magic!  And den, you don’t have to be sad.  You don’t have to be afwaid to ask someone–or even a yittle bit embawassed or scawed.  I dust yuv it.  It makes me SOOOOOOOOOOOO happy!”.  Beaming.  Ear to ear.  Hearts are saved.  Friends are loved.  And all is right with the world.  Buddy benches.  I’m thinking we need one of these on every single corner of this earth.  Pretty sure G’s on a mission to get that taken care of.

And my Max, gotta say, these past few months have been a little rough on this momma.  Emotions.  Twelve.  I think I’m ready for this.  I don’t know what I’m doing, but we’re going there.  I get a lot of “Mom, can I talk to you’s?” which is awesome.  Let’s NEVER stop that.  But life isn’t making sense.  It’s getting harder.  And he loves and he cares and his heart is SO big  — but no one “gets” it, you know?  And I SO know, big guy (literally, he’s going to pass his momma soon).  But you just keep loving and you just keep giving and you just keep shining because you are SO AMAZING — even if people think the good in you is stupid, the thoughtful in you is weak, and the light in you isn’t “acceptable”.  You know who you are.  And I’m so very PROUD that you do.  And it’s okay if you mess up, question, falter — have you seen your mother?  We love you, He loves you, and He’s always — we’ve always — got this.  Even when we don’t.  Even when life looks like one big mess of crazy yuck, it’s okay.  It’s really okay.  Because we are so much more than what is happening to us and around us and that power within us?  Huge, my darling boy.  Nothing can touch it.  You were made to be courageous.  It doesn’t mean you will never be scared.  But it means you can know that you will always be held.

And G reminds us, when we get so very deep, that we can always go and sit on the Buddy Bench…

So, this momma is thankful.  Thankful to be a momma.  Thankful to be the soul in this body — that may often be weak — but finds strength and courage in a power so much bigger and greater than that weakness.  Thankful for the lights that shine all around her.  So many lights.  So many treasures.  And I even got a little bit of yoga in this morning.  Shallower breaths, but as long as we’re still breathing, it’s an invitation to be the good.  If we can bring that to someone, if we can be that energy, that love, well then — we’ve done our little.  And that little — it’s enough.  And that little — can be so very big…

Much love, much peace, healing, light, and the happiness that comes not from circumstance — but from the choices we make by the deep and grateful breaths we take and by the passion and wisdom we entertain with our hearts…

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